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Nonhlanhla: Hello. Hi. So today it is the 4th of April. I just woke up from a nap and it’s almost 10 p.m. And I have so much to do like I have to study, I have to prepare my books for the next day.
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Lesedi: When other 17-year-olds are heading to bed, Nonhlanhla Mashabana is at her desk. Tonight, she’s diving into one of her many textbooks for a late-night study session. This is her final year of high school, and that means exams.
Nonhlanhla: I’m gonna nail them and get six distinctions. Who knows? So yeah, I am a little bit dizzy. I’ve been studying from six.
Lesedi: Early mornings, late nights, extra classes on weekends. Working hard has opened up many opportunities for Nonhlanhla. She’s in the school’s most exclusive club, the top achievers. It comes with a badge, which she wears on her blazer every day. It’s bright gold with big green letters and says ‘top 10.’
Nonhlanhla: I feel, I feel good. I feel good about myself, and also, I have a word for that. I feel exuberant. E-X-U-B-E-R-E-N-T. Exuberance, like feeling over the top.
Sfiso: And, yeah, uwashile…
Lesedi: Nonhlanhla’s brother, Sfiso, barges in to ask if she washed his socks for school. He’s 12, but she still calls him her baby brother. Most nights are like this. Lots of interruptions. Like Hlelo, Nonhlanhla’s 13-year-old sister, who shares her bed.
Nonhlanhla: Um, I don’t know if we can hear my, um, younger sister. She is a little bit like snoring.
Lesedi: Along with her siblings, Nonhlanhla lives with her teenage cousin who moved in a while back. Then there’s Nonhlanhla’s dad, who likes to watch TV when he gets back from his 12-hour shifts as a security guard. Nonhlanhla’s mom is a hairdresser and sells ice pops to kids in the neighborhood. She runs her business from home, which means people are always coming over. And so with all these distractions, Nonhlanhla only gets time to herself at night, well sort of.
Nonhlanhla: Mom is up watching TikTok and it’s almost midnight. I wonder who taught her TikTok because it’s definitely not me. Yeah, parents.
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Lesedi: Nontlantla’s parents built their home in Ezinambeni, an informal settlement in Emalahleni, in the coal belt of South Africa. Their house started as a one-room shelter made of corrugated iron sheeting. After many years of hard work, her parents added more rooms and an outdoor toilet. And they swapped out the metal sheeting with concrete walls and floors.
Nonhlanhla feels a sense of duty to pay back her family for supporting her through high school. And as the finishing line approaches, she carries the weight of their hopes and dreams on her shoulders. And going to university might help. But first, she needs to get through grade 12, pass her exams, and at the same time, apply to university. She started doing that a few days ago.
Nonhlanhla: Okay, so, um, today is the 1st of April, 2024. I’m in my room. It’s 10 minutes past 10 and university applications, um, opened today. I am just panicking. I’m panicking every time I try to like open the university websites. I just start shaking.
Lesedi: There are so many questions in her head. How will she make new friends? What if she doesn’t fit in? What if this is her only shot and she blows it? And the scariest thing of all.
Nonhlanhla: Am I doing all the best that I can to actually bag these bursaries and get myself a financial aid up until the end of my course? I constantly think, what’s going to happen to me?
Lesedi: Welcome to Radio Workshop. I’m Lesedi Mogoatlhe.
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Lesedi: For far too many young South Africans, the education system feels broken. In 2022, it was estimated that for every 100 students who start grade 1, 60 make it to grade 12. Only a dozen will qualify for further higher education, and four will finish university with a degree. Even when students somehow beat the odds and earn a degree, It does not guarantee them a job or a better life.
Sure, employment opportunities are better for university graduates, but at the risk of stating the obvious, university is expensive. And the majority of young South Africans come from low income homes, just like Nonhlanhla. The cards are stacked against her, and as bright and capable as she clearly is, her success is not guaranteed.
No wonder she’s anxious. Nonhlanhla wanted to show you what it’s like for her as she navigates a broken system. And so we handed her a microphone and recorder, and for three months, she opened up her life.
Nonhlanhla: Hello. Hi. Yeah, it’s that time of the day. Okay, so today it is the 5th of April, 2024. I am sitting at my table and in front of me I have…
Lesedi: Nonhlanhla is up before dawn. She didn’t get a lot of sleep last night and there’s a busy day ahead. So she puts on her uniform and heads off to school. Nonhlanhla will only get home at around 6pm. Even though tomorrow is Saturday, she will go back to school for extra math classes. It’s a gruelling routine for anyone. And with everything she’s dealing with, Nonhlanhla finds it tough to talk about.
Nonhlanhla: Especially when I am looking for help or when, uh, my mental health isn’t okay.
Lesedi: In moments like these, Nonhlanhla has one place where she turns.
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Nonhlanhla: I’ve been looking for words to describe how I’ve been feeling lately.
Lesedi: Nonhlanhla’s secret weapon: her dictionary.
Nonhlanhla: I came across this word tumultuous. It’s T-U-M-U-L-T-U-O-U-S at the end. Tumultuous.
Lesedi: And at other times, zeroing in on the right word helps her express how she wants to feel.
Nonhlanhla: Um, the word of the day is insouciant. It’s spelled as I-N-S-O-U-C-I-A-N-T. Insouciant means that you are unconcerned about something, or you’re just like free from worry.
Lesedi: Nonhlanhla has a knack with words, but she’s worked hard to hone that skill through many hours of practice. Sometimes, it starts by asking herself some tough questions.
Nonhlanhla: Like, how are you feeling today? I feel very sad. What does the word sad actually mean? It’s just like, melancholy.
Lesedi: Nonhlanhla says she gains a sense of control over her life when she masters a new word. When she asks, what’s going to happen to me? Words offer comfort.
Nonhlanhla: I found another home with the dictionary.
Lesedi: Nonhlanhla’s superpower is her unusual ability to keep pushing forward despite everything that might hold her back.
Nonhlanhla: I am in it to win it. It’s, it’s just that I have to take things one at a time and have patience. It’s like persistence. Yeah. Persistence or the strength of will. Strength of purpose. It’s patience. Tenacity. Tenacity. T-E-N-A-C-I-T-Y. Tenacity.
Lesedi: Nonhlanhla’s tenacity has made it possible for her to see a future for herself as a university student. A future that might have been out of reach had she not been such a spectacular speller.
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Nonhlanhla: Hello, um, today it is the 13th, no, actually it’s the 14th of April. It’s Sunday. It’s almost midnight. I like, um…
Lesedi: Before she found another home with a dictionary, Nonhlanhla says she was a shy, quiet kid. That was in grade three. She had a lot of trouble making friends at school, but Nonhlanhla’s mom thought she just needed to be more outgoing.
Nonhlanhla: So my mom used to advise me like, why don’t you do debate? Why don’t you do sports? Or why don’t you do netball? And I’m like, I’m not interested in any of that.
Lesedi: While the other kids looked forward to netball matches or the next debate, Nonhlanhla wasn’t part of anything. She was just there, alone, a bit lost.
Nonhlanhla: Nothing made sense at that time. I did not know, like, the main purpose of why I’m on this earth, because I just wake up, eat, play, and then go back to sleep. It was just like that routine.
Lesedi: One random weekend, she went over to her neighbor’s house. They watched a movie, and she was amazed by what she saw.
Akeelah and the Bee: That’s correct. Ambidextrous. A-M-B-I-E-X-T-R-O-U-S. Pterodactyl. P-T-E-R-O-D-A-C-T-Y-L. Gratuitous….
Nonhlanhla: Is there something like this in South Africa? I mean, I’ve never seen or heard anyone, especially in my community, doing something like that. It’s either they’re doing soccer or netball.
Lesedi: The movie was Akeelah and the Bee. It tells the story of a young, gifted African American girl from a working-class family in Los Angeles. Akeelah’s on the verge of quitting school when she discovers her incredible talent for spelling and enters spelling bee competitions.
Nonhlanhla: When we were watching the movie, like a lot was happening in my head.
Akeelah and the Bee: We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be?
Nonhlanhla: After the movie, I went back home. I started searching like, um, winning words, those big words.
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Lesedi: In grade four, Nonhlanhla took the plunge. She entered her first spelling bee. When the judges called her name, she walked on stage. But when they gave her a word to spell, her nerves took over. She ran off without saying a thing.
Nonhlanhla wanted to be just like Akeelah, so she pushed through and tried again the following year. This time, she finished in fourth place. She didn’t win a medal, but she did go home with exactly what she’d been looking for, a sense of purpose.
In grade six, her spelling skills propelled her even further. She was up against kids from all over the city. She progressed through to the provincial competition in Mpumalanga, and it was all going well, until she was confronted by a word she’d never heard before.
Nonhlanhla: Your word is ‘koinonia’. And I just said it. What? And everyone was laughing and I was, I was panicking and I was like, may I please have the definition of the word? My voice was even like quivering a little bit. It was like shaking. And then I asked for the origins, like Latin. I’m like, Latin? I haven’t spelled anything in Latin.
So the lady was like, um, you’re left with one minute, please. And then I took a deep breath. K-O-I-N-O-N-I-A. Koinonia. And then I closed my eyes so I couldn’t see like their facial expressions. And then they looked at each other. And then they started saying, that is correct. I almost collapsed. I was jumping. I was so happy. I was so proud of myself. I wanted to smile. I wanted to cry.
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Lesedi: Shy Nonhlanhla made a name for herself as a champion speller and a tough competitor. The other kids wanted to know her. And her success made it easier to make new friends. Her win at the provincial competition meant she could compete in the National Spelling Bee Finals in Pretoria, just a few hours’ drive from home. She finished in third place.
Then came grade seven, where she advanced again. She qualified for the nationals of the Masters Spelling Bee. In her group were kids from grades seven, eight, and nine, but this competition was in Cape Town. So she’d need to pay for a flight and a hotel room.
Nonhlanhla: How am I even going to get the money to travel to Cape Town? I mean, in my family, I’ve never heard them talking about like traveling and having like money.
Lesedi: Nonhlanhla’s teacher stepped in. They hosted a fundraiser and raised enough money.
Nonhlanhla: Yoh, I mean, I’m the first person in my family to be on a plane to Cape Town. It was, it was big.
Lesedi: When she walked into the competition, Nonhlanhla remembers looking around and seeing students from all over the country.
Nonhlanhla: It was so intimidating, especially seeing white people, and like the colored people, and just us, the black people there. It’s like a diverse, um, thing. And it was so scary. And I don’t wanna lie. Some people, when you see them, they’re so confident, like, I’m gonna win this. And with me, I was just hoping for the best.
Recording: …R-E-S-T-I-N-G-L-Y. Interestingly. That is correct. Number nine.
Lesedi: That’s a cell phone recording of Nonhlanhla from her Spelling Bee teacher. As you can hear, she breezed through the early stages of the competition and got through to the final elimination round.
Recording: Your word is ‘harbinger.’ Harbinger.
Nonhlanhla in recording : Harbinger. May I please have the definition.
Recording: The definition of Harbinger is a sign that shows that something is going to happen soon.
Nonhlanhla in reocording: H-A-R-B-I-N-G-E-R. That is correct.
Lesedi: Nonhlanhla finished in fifth place, and she was hungry for more. At home, local politicians came out to congratulate her. Shy Nonhlanhla was long gone.
Nonhlanhla attended Blackhill Schoongezicht Primary School. It’s a classic township school. Parents are not required to pay fees, and the school provides stationary, all thanks to a government subsidy. But these kinds of schools are very often overcrowded and provide little individual attention, with around 40 students to one teacher. The following year, Nonhlanhla was on her way to high school, but there was no way she could afford to attend one of the better schools in town. And that’s when her spelling skills came to the rescue.
Nonhlanhla: Mme Ndaba is like the one teacher that came when we were celebrating my win after the Nationals.
Lesedi: Mme Ndaba teaches at Greendale High School. It’s a former Model C school, which means it was once reserved for white kids during apartheid. Today it’s a desegregated government school, far better resourced than most schools in the area.
All the white kids are gone. Only black kids are enrolled there. Greendale boasts bigger classrooms, good teachers, sprawling lawns, even sporting facilities. So Mme Ndaba approached Nonhlanhla’s mom and tried to convince her to send Nontlantla to her school. But it would be expensive.
Nonhlanhla: My mother was, like, concerned about the, the fees. Like, how, how are they even gonna pay for school fees? You know what I mean?
Lesedi: Greendale High is almost two hours away from her home. She’d have to take two buses each way. But Mme Ndaba wouldn’t take no for an answer. She offered to pay for Nontlantla’s tuition out of her own pocket. She also invited Nonhlanhla to come live with her so she wouldn’t have to travel so far.
Eventually, Nonhlanhla’s parents accepted Mme Ndaba’s offer to pay for her schooling, but they decided Nonhlanhla would live at home. She’d start at Greendale at the beginning of 2020.
In high school, she thrived in her classes and made lots of friends. And by grade 10, she entered the Masters Spelling Bee and qualified for the national finals in Durban. Her school paid for the whole trip.
Nonhlanhla: Yeah, I started like to, like, deep sighs, like, oh my goodness, it’s actually happening. My heart was doing somersaults in my chest. And then I was just praying all the way. It’s like, God, please, this is the last round. Please, please be with me.
Lesedi: Nonhlanhla won the competition spelling the word dysphoria, which means discontent, worry, anxiety.
Nonhlanhla: I’m still awake because I’ve been, like, constantly thinking about, um, my matric year, how it’s gonna unfold.
Lesedi: Nonhlanhla is back at her desk, grinding away as usual to get through her final year of high school.
Nonhlanhla: I’m in my room. It’s dark. My mom switched off the lights because she is a believer of saving electricity and resources.
Lesedi: Her spelling bee dreams have also gone dark. Nonhlanhla’s family, her teachers, and her spelling bee coach have cut her off. She’s not in the spelling bee club. She’s no longer competing. It sounds like a punishment, but they just want to give her the best chance to ace her exams. High marks increase her chances of getting into university.
Nonhlanhla: Recently, we were having this chat, um, with this other girl from school. She was just asking, but like, how do you feel that you’re no longer doing spelling? I couldn’t even look at her in the face to actually explain that I’m not okay. But I was just like, you know what, I had a nice time. Um, some things you just have to let them go.
Lesedi: At the same time, Nonhlanhla feels like the confident, accomplished, outspoken version of herself is fading away.
Nonhlanhla: I lost some part of me. Um, I lost that sense of belonging. Um, I’ve lost something in me. That spark, yeah, it’s gone just like that. It just vanished because I’m no longer doing something that I love. Um, ever since the spelling was just cut, the spelling bee Nonhlanhla is slowly disappearing.
Lesedi: One of Nonhlanhla’s best friends is Bonolo. She’s also part of Greendale’s exclusive Top Ten Club. Nonhlanhla says they talk together all the time, about all the things. Clothes, shoes, hair, makeup, homework. Nonhlanhla met up with Bonolo on the school playground to ask her about her future plans. Something that occupies a lot of Nonhlanhla’s thoughts these days
Nonhlanhla: If everything goes according to plan, um, what will your life look like? Like, after this year.
Bonolo: I’ll most definitely be in a different university, obviously, from my friends. New people, new environment, new career. New books, new textbooks, obviously. And I’ll, you know, I’ll be alone in the big city. Change of scenery.
Nonhlanhla: Aren’t you, like, scared of change? Because change can be so hard at times.
Bonolo: For me, it’s the hardest thing is not change it’s a matter of leaving. It’s a matter, it’s a matter of how does, how do, how do I explain this in terms of birds? When the birds, when the bird, the young bird leaves the nest, it’s scary because they, you know, not that they’re all alone, but everything is new to them. That’s how it’ll be in university. Everything is new to you. You’ve never done this before.
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Lesedi: Being able to call Bonolo a friend is a big deal. Nonhlanhla is grateful to have someone around who understands her financial situation. A lot of the kids at her school can afford to pay for university. She says their parents have saved up for them. But she doesn’t have that safety net. Besides what should she study? And how could she possibly say goodbye to her family?
Nonhlanhla: I mean, it would be the first time that I leave the house and not seeing them in months. That is what I fear.
Ma’am Sithole: Yes, Nonhlanhla, we fear what we don’t know. Every one of us, we are very much scared of the unknown.
Lesedi: That’s Ma’am Sithole, Nonhlanhla’s favourite teacher. She teaches English at Greendale High. She understands how Grade 12, or what’s called matric in South Africa, is a scary time for any student.
Ma’am Sithole: It is very much normal to be scared. It is very much normal for you to question yourself, to ask yourself questions that, why, where am I going to study? What am I going to study? What I’m going to tell you today is that life will happen to you. Your future after matric is well-designed by fate. We can say even by God himself. So just go with the flow.
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PHONE RINGING
Nonhlanhla: Hello, Gogo. Hello.
Gogo on the photo: Hello.
Nonhlanhla: How are you, Gogo?
Gogo on the phone: Fine.
Nonhlanhla: Yes, Gogo, I’m on my way. Um, I’ll be there in like 10 to 15 minutes. Okay.
Gogo on the phone: Okay. I’ll be waiting for you!
Nonhlanhla: All right, Gogo. Thank you.
Gogo on the phone: Shap, shap.
Lesedi: It’s been a while since Nonhlanhla has seen her grandmother, her Gogo, and they have a lot to catch up on. Nonhlanhla’s is still feeling deeply anxious. She’s hoping her gran, her dad’s mom, will help her feel more at ease.
Nonhlanhla: Hello. Hello.
Lesedi: She’s walked these sandy roads to Gogo’s house countless times, past shops and homes without water or electricity. Many are informal structures made of old metal sheeting. Some are brick and mortar. She also sees other kids her age hanging out, listening to music with their friends.
Nonhlanhla: So when I’m making my way to my Gogo’s house, um, I pass, um, two churches and a mechanic place. And my most favorite part is that there’s a pharmacy. Um, I believe that maybe someday if I do take, um, a medicine field, I might be a doctor and also own my place. In our community, of course.
Lesedi: But she’s not certain about studying medicine. It’s one of the most expensive university degrees. And she wonders how she’ll afford it. So she’s weighing up her choices. Maybe she’ll try information technology. Or education.
Nonhlanhla: Hello. I’m home! I’m home. Hello, Gogo.
Lesedi: Nonhlanhla takes a seat with her Gogo. They chat for a bit about the walkover and what she saw. Nonhlanhla tells her she still looks young and how much she loves her kitchen. She takes a while to work up the courage to tell her the reason why she came over. But once she starts, it just flows out of her.
Nonhlanhla: A lot is happening. A lot is happening. I am afraid, especially now that I’m going to go to university, like change can be so difficult. I, I can’t go on like a day without thinking how next year is going to look like. Um, I’ve never been away from my family for the longest time.
I’m scared that I might meet people that are smarter than me out there.
Nonhlanhla: Gogo is saying that she is very happy that next year I’m going to be going to university. She also said that she knows that I won’t try to go out there and be someone that I’m not.
Lesedi: Gogo’s name is Sonto Msize, but everyone just calls her Nelly. She is 63. She grew up across the border in Lesotho. When her family arrived in Emalahleni, she was still a young girl. But she recalls living on a farm near one of the many coal mines that surround the town. They worked on the farm in exchange for living on the land. She remembers life was hard.
Gogo: Very difficult, because in that time, it was a time of um, um, apartheid. Apartheid was, was very, very difficult for us, even our parents. You can’t even think about that time, because that time, if you sit alone and you, you, you think, lot of things is, is, is, is hurt.
Nonhlanhla: It was, it was so painful. As she was, um, telling me about her life, um, I did not want to cry in front of her because I know my grandmother. Um, she is one person who’s very emotional. If I would have teared up in front of her, it would have been something, um, very emotional. How do you feel about me going to university?
Gogo: I’m happy, very happy. I’m not scared. I will never be scared. Because I know very well. I’m not afraid of anything. I’m not afraid of anything….
Nonhlanhla: Gogo is saying that I should be mindful of the people that I associate myself with. Gogo there’s this saying that Gogo used used to teach us when we were growing up that bad company corrupts good character. It’s something that she wants me to remember.
Lesedi: They spent almost two hours talking. Gogo tells her about going to night school to learn English. She wanted to send Nonhlanhla’s dad to university, and she wishes she could have given him a better life. But she’s also glad she could help him and all her kids finish high school. That was a huge accomplishment, given their circumstances. Gogo also reminds Nonhlanhla of her duty to the family.
Gogo: That is a blessing. Futhi…
Nonhlanhla: Gogo is talking about blessings and she says that when you start working it is also said in the bible that the first thing that we need to do is to give the first fruit to the elders in the family. That is how we get blessings, by giving back to the elders as a token of appreciation that they’ve taken care of us when we’re young up until now that we are waking.
Lesedi: Nonhlanhla finally tells her how expensive university is and that she doesn’t know where she’ll find the money. Her gran sees the anxiety and fear.
Gogo: Be yourself. Be stronger. Know yourself who you are. Know yourself where you’re coming from. Know, know your dignity. You must talk with the fear. And they say the fear, I’m very stronger than you.
Nonhlanhla: The life lesson you’re giving me is that when I go out there, I need to be myself. I need to pray more.
Gogo: Yes. Be strong.
Nonhlanhla: I need to, to be strong and let go of fear.
Gogo: Yes.
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Nonhlanhla: So today it is the 17th of May. April. So Wednesday, um…
Lesedi: Nonhlanhla is back at her desk, studying, but all the worries are creeping up on her. This time she hears Gogo’s voice in her head, her testament to their family’s resilience, which also flows through Nonhlanhla’s veins.
Nonhlanhla: I can still achieve greater things. I can still bring out the best Nontlantla out there. I just have to believe in myself again and let go of some things. It’s hard, but I’ll just have to do it either way.
Lesedi: As much as her Gogo’s words helped, she’s still left with all the questions she had at the start. Where will the money come from? And without a university degree, what will become of her?
Nonhlanhla: As much as there is a high rate of unemployment, if I go study and finish my studies, what are the chances of me getting, like, a job? I am, I’m not prepared enough to actually go out there and face the world. That is what I fear.
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Nonhlanhla: Okay, so before I even go further and further, the word of the day is phoenix. So phoenix is spelled P-H-O-E-N-I-X, phoenix, phoenix, phoenix. Um, yeah. The body isn’t tired but the mind is tired. I just need to like rest a little bit and then wake up tomorrow in the morning. Okay, bye!
Lesedi: This is not the end. Later in the year, we’ll come back to Nonhlanhla as she gets ready for her school dance, takes her final exams, and applies for financial aid. And then the big question, will she get into university? As she walks down the road that has caused so many to stumble, how will Nonhlanhla navigate a broken education system?
This story was reported for Radio Workshop by Nonhlanhla Mashabana, a youth reporter at Emalahleni FM. One of the many community radio stations we support. Nonhlanhla, thank you for trusting us with your story and for letting us into your life.
Our associate producer, Mary-Ann Nobele, taught Nonhlanhla how to record her audio diaries and conducted interviews with her, all of which were crucial to making this story. If you haven’t heard it, check out Mary-Ann’s award winning series, I Will Not Grow Old Here, in our podcast feed.
This episode was written by senior producer Dhashen Moodley, with the support of assistant producer Elejha-ze Gengan. Additional story support came from Sam Brown. Rob Rosenthal and I edited this podcast.
Original music by Qhamani Sambu at Edible Audio in Cape Town. Sound engineering by Naomi Grewan, Jo Jackson, and Mike Rahfaldt. Jo Jackson is our managing producer. Mike Rahfaldt is our executive producer.
This episode and the Work of Radio Workshop would not be possible without the support of Luminate, the Constitutionalism Fund, the Shin Creek Trust, the Anne Levy Charitable Trust, the SCP Foundation, and Pam and Bill Michaelcheck. Find out more about what we do and support our work at radioworkshop.org.